Today was my first day back in the gym after the Christmas and New Year break and almost immediately I got myself into trouble. I had a good workout but it left me fairly knackered and I don't think I was fully concentrating because while I was getting dressed after my shower I accidentally put on someone else's pants. Damn the ubiquity of Calvin Kleins.

I realised my mistake pretty quickly when I didn't recognise the other clothes in the pile but I was completely lost for what to do. In terms of gym etiquette, it's completely uncharted territory.

My mind raced and came up with various options but they all had associated risks:

1. Quickly take the pants off and put them back on the pile, hoping that I'm not caught by the pant owner and/or any other gym members. Potential risk: if caught, it looks like I've got a fetish for secretly trying on other people's pants, which is definitely worse than an accidental underwear mix-up
2. Wait patiently for someone to betray themselves as the owner of the pile of clothes and thus also the pants, and say as plainly as possible: "Excuse me, I think I'm wearing your pants" and see what happens. Potential risk: He reacts badly, something along the lines of "Why the fuck are you wearing my pants?"
3. Subtly shift my own pants onto his pile, hoping that he won't notice, and exit as swiftly as possible remembering to give the pants a very thorough wash when I get home. Potential risk: someone spots the 'switch' and I'm publicly accused of pant tampering, which is a serious offence indeed

I opt for the third option and manage, with some sleight of hand, to complete the underwear manoeuvre undetected, but realise almost immediately that our respective pants look nothing alike. His are a lot like a pair I own, but nothing like the pair I am actually wearing. Mine are grey - his are black. There's no way he's going to think my pants are his pants.

If this had been a heist movie, we would now be at the point where the priceless painting/big diamond/treasure map is conspicuously missing, the guards are coming round the corner, and it's a matter of mere seconds before they spot the crime and sound the alarm.

So I pull the rest of my clothes on as quickly as possible and dash out of the gym.

Wearing someone else's pants.