My doorbell rang late this morning and when I opened the door a rather tall man introduces himself and says he's been sent by The Baron to help resolve the outstanding issues between him and myself regarding the construction work at the flat. My initial reaction is that "resolve" would shortly reveal itself to be a euphemism for "hit with a baseball bat" but it did seem that he just wanted to talk.

I decided it would be best to conduct our discussions on neutral territory and so I grabbed my coat and we headed to the local Starbucks. Quite quickly it became clear that what was, on the surface, a very calm, civil conversation was actually a mighty battle for supremacy played out against the backdrop of the globally exploitative retail of gourmet coffee and associated snacks.

I offer to buy him a latte and he graciously accepts but as soon as he hears me ordering an extra shot for myself he asks for three extra shots and a large banana and pecan muffin. Not to be outdone, I order two large granola bars as well and make a point of eating one before even sitting back down.

As a preamble to talking business we make small talk and then out of nowhere he manages to drop in an anecdote about once eating four hot paninis in a single sitting and I so feel compelled to tell him about the time I downed a Frappuccino in one - ice and all - but he seems strangely unimpressed.

Back on business, I agree to draw up a list of items that need to be resolved (repair cracks to my flat, replace the hallway carpet, etc.) before I am willing to consider giving official if retrospective consent for the basement. He promises to do his best to make sure The Baron agrees to these items in writing.

I shake his hand and get up leave, ordering a "quadruple espresso to go" in a very loud voice as I pass the till. When I look over in his direction to make sure he's heard my order I can see that he's already planning his next move and is eyeing up a large jar of biscotti on the counter. For a moment we're caught together in a frozen stare but then my espresso arrives and I'm out the door before he can even get the lid off the jar.