At the start of the second working week with Boris as mayor, I thought it would be interesting to take a look at his first week in office having successfully ousted the incumbent from London's top role.

Despite a rather magnanimous acceptance speech late on Friday, Boris got down to business on Monday morning by announcing that his first action in office would be to have Ken Livingstone burned in huge wicker pigeon being constructed in Trafalgar Square.

In a press statement he said "the immolation of my esteemed predecessor will not only demonstrate to the people of London that I am a man of action, but will also provide a world-class spectacle and a hugely enjoyable evening out for the family".

Following his election commitment to implement serious strategies on knife and gun crimes Boris announced that areas of London would be set aside for gang-related violence without police interference.

He explained "Currently London has insufficient open space where young people can let off steam by shooting and stabbing each other. By providing designated areas, very much in the spirit the very successful initiative to reduce grafitti, we hope to save police time and reduce the number of incidents of normal people caught up in gang-related killings."

Delivering on his pledge to make transport safer, Boris issued bus drivers on high-crime routes with MAC-10 automatic pistols, saying "Antisocial behaviour on our buses is making life a misery for law-abiding Londoners. I think arming drivers will make people think twice about making a nuisance of themselves and the small size of the MAC-10 makes it ideal for use inside the limited space of a driver's cab."

Following criticism that the drivers have been issued weapons without the proper training Boris said: "Nonsense. The MAC-10 is a fully-automatic, point-and-shoot firearm — a child could use one. It's 100% effective even in the hands of a complete novice. In fact, if anything, you'd need training in how to not kill someone with it."