I got a letter today from American Express inviting me to apply for a British Airways-branded credit card:

Apply now for the British Airways American Express Credit Card and collect 3,000 BA miles instead of the usual 1,000

Congratulations. Based on your exceptional record of financial responsibility, you have also been selected for a limited offer that you could grant you 3,000 BA miles to start you off on your journey...

Now the first thing to note is that the offer of 3,000 BA miles in the first paragraph, seems to be the same offer of 3,000 BA miles in the title, so I'm not quite sure what the word ‘also’ is doing in there.

“Not only could you collect 3,000 BA miles, you could also win the same 3,000 BA miles again. Are you persuaded yet? Okay, you could also win 3,000 BA miles*.

(*these are the same 3,000 BA miles we mentioned earlier)”

The other thing that caught my eye was the phrase “exceptional record of financial responsibility”. Not just a good record, or an impressive record, but an exceptional record. In the world of financial records, mine, and perhaps just a handful of others, stand out as being truly exceptional.

Funny, because I haven't had a job paying anything close to liveable money for over a year, which leads me to believe they might just be saying that to flatter me. Which, by implication, means they think I'm the sort of person who is flattered when other people tell me they think I'm financially responsible.

If American Express wanted to chat me up on a night out, it would probably say something like:

“Hi. I don't normally do this sort of thing, but I saw you at the bar, and I couldn't help thinking — I bet he regularly puts some money aside for a rainy day. If you don't mind me saying, you look very fit, you know, financially. Do you work out, you know, how much you should put aside for a pension? I thought so.”

Well, I'm not flattered, American Express. So you can take your card, and your misplaced fiscal come-ons and sod off.

And you can also sod off.