There is a church at the end of my road displaying a poster for The Alpha Course, with its invitation to “explore the meaning of life”

Now I'm no friend of organised religion, and was as pleased as anyone by the recent runaway success of the Atheist Bus Campaign (original target £5,500 — current total very nearly £120,000), but obviously I also stand firmly by the principle that people should be free to invite other people to explore pretty much any subject they want, with the possible exception of the best ways to blow a third group of people up.

Now I'll admit upfront that I haven't done The Alpha Course, but the poster has always troubled me a bit, and I think it's the suggestion that what is on offer here is a free and unhindered debate on the big questions relating to the human condition. Despite this implication, I would bet good money that the metaphysical enquiry The Alpha Course is inviting us to undertake isn't quite as open-ended as its pithy tagline would have you believe.

I would go further and say that The Alpha Course is probably about as agenda-free as an insurance salesman asking you to “explore the meaning of peace of mind”, Gary Glitter urging young people to “explore the meaning of fun for all ages”, or Colonel Sanders inviting a chicken to “explore the meaning of a crispy coating”.

And in fact the course content backs this up, with the first of the ten sessions being titled “Who Is Jesus?”, the answer to which question I'm pretty sure will not turn out to be "the central figure in just one of many alternative, unprovable theories about the purpose, if indeed there is a purpose, of human existence”.

So, I think the posters should instead read:

“The Alpha Course — explore the meaning of life, but only within certain parameters, and based on the fundamental assumption that there exists a single, all-powerful Deity consistent with the principles of a Christian faith”.

I admit, it's a little wordy, but it does avoid the risk of a misunderstanding.

But hang on, perhaps it's the word “explore” which is problematic, suggesting as it does the opportunity to roam into new and unfamiliar territory without a pre-determined destination. It's more like a guided tour than an exploration. That's it — cracked it:

“The Alpha Course — tour our meaning of life”

Okay, I'm happy with that. It's the same number of words as before, just more accurate.

P.S. I notice that The Alpha Course has launched its own poster campaign. It doesn't seem to be enjoying quite the same success as the other one...