After yesterday's post I've been thinking some more about the new non-emergency telephone number introduced by the Met Police.

I'm a bit worried that if I do witness an incident that may or may not be an emergency, I won't be certain whether it is indeed a real emergency, and even if I decide that it isn't, I'm concerned I won't remember the new number.

So I've been wracking my brains all morning and I think I've come up with a solution. It's a three-tier emergency classification system, with easy-to-remember telephone numbers.

The first type of emergency is called a premergency. A premergency is when you notice something that looks a bit dodgy — no crime has actually been committed yet, but it looks like it might quite soon. So for example, a couple of shifty-looking blokes hanging around outside an empty house, an argument that looks like it might turn into a fight, or a person driving dangerously — these are all premergencies.

The second type of emergency is the realmergency. This is equivalent to a proper emergency under the old system. A house is being burgled, a car stolen or a nasty fight in progress. These are easy to spot.

The third type of emergency is an unmergency. These are situations where some kind of crime or accident has occurred but it's all under control, or certainly unlikely to get any worse. These are the types of situations for which the Met Police wants us to use their new number.

I've even done a bit of basic design work for a poster to publicise the new system. I was thinking that we could trial it in London, then roll it out across the whole country if it's a success...