As anyone who regularly reads this blog, or knows me in person, will be aware, I'm a big fan of high quality puns. Lazy, obvious puns are evil (contrary to popular belief, sarcasm is not the lowest form of wit) but good puns are an art form.
I take particular pleasure in those incredibly intricate and contrived shaggy dog stories which culminate in a massive unashamed pun. Like the one about the cut-price hitman who runs amok in a supermarket, which ends with the headline “Archie Chokes Three For A Pound In Sainsbury's”. Puns like this are constructed with much love and craft.
Puns are generally looked down upon but this is the one time of year where they are not only tolerated, but actually encouraged, and I'm always disappointed with the general quality of cracker puns and can't help thinking it's a missed opportunity.
Some seem to think that a cracker joke's awfulness is part of its charm, but I'm sure if there was an alternative to the normal recycled Christmas word play, people would Lapp* it up.
(* this is an example of a bad pun)
So I thought it might be fun to try and come up with some new Christmas cracker jokes. Perhaps by Christmas Day we can between us come up with ten brand new, above average quality Christmas cracker jokes to unleash upon the world.
I'll kick us off with some elf-themed jokes. For those of you not familiar with the elf-themed pun genre, there are two essential elements:
- The core of the pun must be a word which rhymes with, or almost rhymes with, elf, such as health
- To avoid telegraphing the pun, the word “elf” must never be used in the feedline — the word “helper” should be used instead
So I'll launch the Crackers In Need campaign with some elf-related jokes. I hope they're original, but if you've heard something similar before, please let me know and I'l try to come up with a replacement.
Why does Santa make his helpers work in such cold conditions?
Because it extends their elf-life.
Why did Santa have to cancel his subscription to Which Helper?
Because his wife disapproved of him looking at top elf magazines.
Why should Santa be acknowledged as the original new age guru?
Because he pioneered the elf help movement.
Tomorrow's pun theme will be reindeers, so get thinking and send them to
man@manwritesblog.com together with any additions to the elf pun canon.
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