Welcome to the first entry of 2009. I'd persuaded myself that the various New Year's resolutions made rapidly on Wednesday don't really kick in until today, the first working Monday in 2009, but now it's here I wanted to make sure I got off to a flying start with a nice, prompt entry on Man Writes Blog.
Whilst browsing the web for inspiration this morning, I came across a story about Facebook removing photos of women breastfeeding, prompting me to pre-emptively remove my own breastfeeding album. Which is a shame because it took me many weeks and covert visits to baby-friendly restaurants to build up.
I'm not entirely sure where I stand on the whole breastfeeding in public debate. Both sides of the argument are quite persuasive. On the one hand, breastfeeding is a perfectly natural and necessary thing, completely devoid of sexual content and certainly nothing to be ashamed of. On the other hand, so is pooing, but that doesn't mean I want to watch someone else doing it while I'm eating monkfish.
And while it can be a little difficult to know how to react when a stranger starts breastfeeding their baby, when it's a friend or a friend's partner you move into a whole different league of potential awkwardness.
It usually first happens a few months after the arrival of the baby, when the new parents realise they haven't seen anyone socially for quite some time and invite you round for an early evening dinner party. Twenty minutes in, you'll be having a perfectly nice conversation with the beaming mother then she'll give you a knowing, semi-apologetic smile and start rummaging around in her jumper for something to put in the baby's mouth.
And having a conversation with someone who is breastfeeding is an eye contact minefield. I always feel that one should have a quick glance down at the baby buffet just to let them know that you're basically cool with it all. Otherwise you're left desperately trying to maintain the kind of steely eye contact which says “I may not be listening to what you're saying, but I'm am definitely, definitely not looking at your tits”.
But of course if you do have a quick look — remember, it's the most natural thing in the world — any more than a second and you're definitely on dangerous ground. If you are caught lingering, a quick “Sorry, I just can't take my eyes off your baby — he's so gorgeous” might get you out of trouble, but don't use it more than once. And certainly not with the same person.
Having said that there is a definite shift in the rules surrounding what constitutes acceptable behaviour when a baby arrives on the scene.
Friends who were previously rather conservative suddenly start sending really unflattering topless pictures of their girlfriends or partners to everyone in their address book.
To: quotes@directline.com
Subject: Quote reference DLQ0239632Dear Direct Line,
Thank you for your recent motor insurance quote. Although I have found a better deal elsewhere and will not be taking insurance with you this year, I thought you would be interested in the attached picture of my wife topless, without makeup and exhausted after 34 hours of painful labour.
Kind regards,
J. Smith
P.S. If you look closely at the bottom of the photo you can just see the top of her muff. Enjoy!
So Happy New Year. I hope your first working week is not too much of a shock to the system.
I'd better sign off. I've got to go and log in to Facebook and remove another couple of photo albums from my profile following some complaints. So if you want to check out “Strangers In Changing Rooms“ or “Bedrooms Through Binoculars“ you'd better be quick because they'll soon be gone.
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